I will go, I will go, I will go, Lord send me
To the world, to the lost, to the poor and hungry. Take everything I am, I'm Clay within your hand I will go, I will go, Send me
I wanna live for you
Go where you lead me
I wanna follow you
-"I Will Go" by Starfield
This past month as second semester started up, I decided that things would be different, that I might have a renewed passion and desire for God. Let's just say I totally set myself up for a major emotional roller coaster. Through regular chapel services, Holiness Advancement Week, my D-group a recurring theme seems to rise and I think that God was trying to tell me something. The aspect of dying to one's self and surrendering to God completely is something I've been constantly hearing, after having it come up some many times I thought, I think God is trying to say something.
Well tonight at BBC we had what is called Abandoned Devotion Gathering, which is a 5ish hour long service consisting of worship prayer for the unreached, and a whole lot of surrendering to God. We call it Abandoned because that was the focus, to abandon our lives to God. This could be said many ways, surrendering our lives, giving up our lives, or even.....dying to ourselves, our hopes and dreams, and fears, and completely giving God every aspect of our lives. Tonight, I did that. I was sitting there as the Starfield song was being played and I knew God was calling me to commit my life to his service in missions, but I was scared, and for awhile I held back, I kept thinking about if I really wanted or could actually do this for the rest of my life. I was essentially doubting God. But as the song continued to play, images of the people I met while in Peru, the kids and thir faces, they began to flood my mind. It was like God was saying, "See the joy YOU brought to these people and the joy YOU were filled with? YOU can do this." I began to cry out to God. Tonight I died to myself, to my hopes and my dreams, I abandoned myself to God. The thought having absolutely no control of my future scares the crap out of me, but that is the beauty of God, we can trust in that he has control. Bumps may arise, some small, some large, but God gives us the strength to overcome, as long as we trust in him.
Well spiritual stuff aside, (not that I have stopped thinking about it). Life has been pretty good. I am no longer a teenager, and I actually forget a lot that my birthday was a month ago. Nothing really changed.
Life is crazy busy which school. Next week is Mid-term week and I have 3 to do plus a test type thing in a class, so my weekend is pretty much going to be consumed with studying and project working. Two more weeks of work work work and then I get a break for Marh Break. That is pretty much the shinning light amidst all of this school stuff.
Be praying for my missions trip to Guatemala, funds still need to be raised as I have two remaining payments, also please pray that I might find a Job. I could really really use one, and it seems like I can't get anything around here. Sussex is nothing like SJ when it comes to looking for a part time job. SJ just has way more opportunity, but I guess that is due to the fact that it is so much bigger. There are still a few more places I can try, so here's hoping!!!!
Well I guess that is all for now. Good night.
